


Equinox

by Hiraethfics



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Bucky Barnes, BAMF Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Human Experimentation, Hurt Peter Parker, Hydra (Marvel), Kid Peter Parker, Medical Inaccuracies, Misunderstandings, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Bucky Barnes, Tags May Change, Teen Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiraethfics/pseuds/Hiraethfics
Summary: Secrets are well known between all the Avengers. But when you're the newest member and have very little trust with everyone, secrets are hard to hide. Especially when planning to get said secret.OR: Bucky has unfinished business with Hydra. He needs to get his kid out of there, and what other way than use Avenger tech? Trying to get his kid back, all while hiding the fact he has one is really hard.





	1. Snow Fall

**Author's Note:**

> There's not enough Bucky & Peter stories. More so Peter being Bucky's awesome kid.  
> I don't think I'll be doing any ships in here, but if I see an increase amount of shipping, I might.  
> Not sure yet, so for now it's just friendships.  
> Enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if is pretty bad. :/

_02:52 – 2001_

Dull brown eyes glanced at the clock, as the figure stood in a snow-white room. The echoing sounds of screaming coming from the other room, just beside the room they were in. The figure itself was a well-built male. A metallic arm attached to his left while his own biological arm was on the right. A stubble of a beard was seen, as long chocolate strands of hair met his shoulders. The man overall was lean yet ripped. Their muscles displaying control as their stance was stiff from muscle memory.

Overall the appearance of the man was the definition of a Soldier. A soldier that was enhanced for war. The man was staring out into the world through the window that was attached to one of the walls of the four walls. Silence filled the room, until finally a door opened. The soldier straightened up immediately and awaited instructions. It was a doctor, in bloody clothes holding a crying baby in his arms.

The doctor strolled over to the soldier and stopped in front of him. A monotone voice echoed now emotions as the doctor spoke commands. “This is Peter Parker, Solider. He is your charge. A phenomenon we are not going to take advantage of. He was conceived by two super soldiers like you, a very special boy. We were lucky that Mary Parker was still fertile after we injected her with the serum. He is going to be your protégé, do you understand soldier?”

As if on autopilot, the soldier responded back the information in simpler terms. “Yes, commander. Peter Parker is my ward, and I will protect and teach him. He is a phenomenon that shall not be taken for granted.” The doctor nodded as he listened to the soldier’s response, until he froze.

“No protect, soldier. Teach. That is all. You are an asset, along with him. Do you understand? There is no such thing as protection, nor will there be love. You are to teach this phenomenon as if it was another super soldier. Do I make myself clear?”

The soldier nodded. The doctor waited for the verbal response. “Understood, sir.” Satisfied with the response, the doctor dropped the baby into the soldier’s arms and left. To clean up the bloody mess that was left behind in the room. Once alone again, the soldier looked down at the baby.

Trying out its intelligence, the soldier spoke. “Phenomenon, I am Winter Soldier. State your title.” The baby simply started crying out. As if on instinct, the soldier attempted to teach the child to stop crying. There are no such things as tears for soldier. But before the organic hand could reach its target the soldier stopped. In the back of his mind, the buzzing feeling of ‘protect’ came back. He tried to convince himself that there is no protect. The higherup even said so. There is no protect.

But… What the higher ups didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. This was his charge after all. If he must break protocol to ensure his mission, so be it. Mission: Protect Peter Parker. Mission: Teach the boy. Mission: Ensure Peter Parker’s safety at all cost.

Nothing was going to convince him otherwise. Mission comes first. The Winter Soldier glanced out at the outside world. It was snowing. Pure, innocent, free from blood snow fell. And something snapped in the soldier. He was going to protect this child. It was too pure for the hands of Hydra. So, he’ll protect his ward. No matter what.

His ward: Peter Parker.

* * *

 

_13:45 – 2006_

Hesitant hazel eyes glanced up to stern brown eyes. The boy was 5 now, and my how has time flown by for the two. The two males were alone in a room, isolated from the rest of society and other humans in the compound. It was only the Winter Soldier and Phenomenon in the room. The room was big, with the usual white walls surrounding them. However, there in the room strapped to a chair was a traitor. A spy. The higher ups requested the Phenomenon to end the life. A simple easy initiation, really. Has the Winter Soldier been doing his job correct? Or do they need to recalibrate him.

It was a simple and easy task, in tricking the higher ups. Almost too easy for the Winter Soldier. He did all the kills for Phenomenon. He didn’t want his ward to have blood on his hands. If the Winter Soldier can stop it. So, here they were left in a room. The higher ups trusting the Winter Soldier to tell the truth, and only the truth. Oh, how wrong they were.

He had a mission. He was going to follow through with it. It’s in his program. His ward. His charge. So, when that hesitant stuttering of his ward spoke, the Winter Soldier did it himself. All that was needed was a ‘B-Buck?’ and he’d do it himself. With swiftness, the Winter Soldier took the knife from Peter’s hands, careful to use his metal one, and stabbed the spy right in the forehead. He glanced at his ward, and the child simply looked shaken. The Winter Soldier sighed and crouched down in front of his ward.

“It’s okay Peter. Remember what I taught you?” The boy nodded his head, and he eased his body into a lie. Pretending as if he was the one who just killed the spy. The Winter Soldier knew the boy was going to have to kill, but not now. He was too young to kill. Too young to witness the horrors of killing someone and seeing their life slip from your grasp. The Winter Soldier nodded at Peter and they walked out. They returned to the office to report their mission.

“Asset and I have completed our mission.” Peter said, in a monotone trained voice. His usual high enjoyable voice gone. Covered by a façade of emotionless. The director glanced at the Asset, Winter Soldier. Said person nodded to confirm the statement. The director nodded and grinned.

“Excellent job, Phenomenon. Asset. You are dismissed. Training will proceed in an hour. Dismissed.” And the two left, stiff and firm. All the way until they returned to their shared chambers. Once inside, the Winter Soldier ensured secured location. Peter relaxed and then turned to the Winter Soldier happily.

“Buck! Play!” The boy’s voice high and excitable. The Winter Soldier smiled and sat on the ground as he let the boy grab the make shift toys the Winter Soldier made. It was when the boy was finally able to speak did the Winter Soldier give the child a name. ‘Bucky’ was the name Peter was allowed to use only alone with them.

If the higher ups knew about this, they’d take his ward away. Scrap his memories and take the boy away. He couldn’t allow that. So, he taught the boy everything. Only use Bucky when they were alone, and in a secure location. Use Asset when informing the higher ups. Use Winter Soldier if someone asks about the Asset who isn’t a higher up. All while teaching the boy to become an assassin, perhaps even greater than him.

The young boy and the super soldier began to play. Pretending to be the heroes in this hell hole, and all the while teaching Peter morals. Morals that must be hidden from the higher ups. Teach him everything he lost long ago. Perhaps, Peter was the reason he got these emotions back. He’ll protect Peter no matter what. Teach him to be better than himself. His mission changes all the time, but continue to revolve around one person. Peter Parker.

Mission: Teach Peter Parker how to live.

* * *

 

_22:31 – 2010_

He should’ve known this was going to happen. He just didn’t know it was going to happen so long. Sometimes the Winter Soldier regrets doing Peter’s dirty work. Regrets tricking the higher ups that Peter could kill. But it no longer mattered. His ward was gone. They took him for the next phase. They thought Peter was ready for the next phase. To enhance the child and make him a killer like him.

He wasn’t ready. Nor was Peter. But they came in, late at night and took Peter away. Bucky couldn’t do anything as he pretended to be the perfect soldier. All while fighting the urge to beat the shit out of all the soldier in the room and have Peter back in his arms. No, he couldn’t. All he could do was give Peter a glance. His eyes promising that he’ll get him back.

And then Peter was gone. And all Bucky had left was being a good soldier like usual. He pretended to be ignorant as they talked about Peter’s progress as Bucky stood in the room. Talked about how he’s improving. How he’s breaking code. Repercussions. And Bucky could do nothing.

So he let his hatred for Hydra bubble and boil. Until he had time to get his kid out, he’ll let the hate simmer and let it all out in saving his kid. _His_ kid. Bucky wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt him. Because his mission has become something more. His ward was not a ward. But his kid now. And he’ll get him back no matter what.

Mission: Obtain Peter Parker

* * *

 

_00:05 – 2016_

And then Bucky woke up in the Avengers compound.


	2. Titles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one with the weird sequences as writing. There'll be more dialogue in the next chapter.
> 
> And thanks for the comments and kudos! Shout out to Josh, because I accidentally deleted your comment when I tried replying to people. :,) I'm sorry about that. Please don't hate me.
> 
> Sorry again if this is bad. :/  
> Not beta'd, so there'll be grammar errors! Sorry!

_Phenomenon – 2001_

The first word he has ever learned was his title. Phenomenon. Not a name, not a nickname, but a title. A code. Nothing else. His caretaker took it upon himself to just call Phenomenon that. It was long, and complicated, but he was used to it. Phenomenon’s earliest memory was just that. An introduction. His title and his caretaker’s title. _“Phenomenon, I am Winter Soldier.”_ And that was it. Phenomenon and Winter Soldier. Those were the only two words he knew, or rather cared about. His name, and caretaker’s name.

His caretaker, Winter Soldier, was strict. Robotic almost, no emotions, just business.  His caretaker was everything, but abusive for some reason. While the men in black kick and punch him, the Winter Soldier didn’t. He simply gave an exasperated sigh and attempt again. Never swung a fist, or a slap to his head. But that didn’t mean he was kind. No, the older man was not nice nor malice. Just neutral. Phenomenon knew Winter Soldier simply followed the rules. Coming to his aid when it was needed. No comfort. Just business.

Winter Soldier only came around when the higher ups requested Phenomenon to accompany the older male, or to do the basic routine. It became almost domestic, if it weren’t for them being experiments and in a compound. Phenomenon learned to deal with it though. His training had not started yet, but the Winter Soldier was already teaching him words. Commands. And the first one was state your title.

In a baby babble, he simply answered. Incomprehensible to developed minds.

“I am Phenomenon.”

\--

_Peter Parker – 2003_

It was after a mission when his caretaker was gone for a span of two weeks. In that time, Phenomenon was alone, left to his own devices. The only company he had was when it was testing, and the punishments from the men in black. But something was different about Winter Soldier when he returned. His eyes weren’t stoned and strict. But held a different aura to them.

Not only that, but his caretaker began treating Phenomenon with kindness. Gentle touches and more thoughtful actions when caring for Phenomenon. It was odd to say the least. In the span of two weeks absence, his care taker was a different man- yet the same. Outside of their shared room, Winter Soldier was the old caretaker before the mission. But when they were alone, he held a different feel.

It was as if he gained his humanity back. Perhaps it was just that. His motions were for lax, effortless when they were alone together. Out in the real world, his actions showed control and stiffness. As if hiding something from others, cautious responses and movements. Phenomenon didn’t understand these actions.

But it was one day, when they were alone did the Winter Soldier change him as well. He gave him a _name_. Not a title, not a code, but a name. A name just for him, perhaps shared with others, but it held meaning to it. He had a name. It was said in such gentleness, Phenomenon would have thought of it as a dream.

“Phenomenon, I have taken in consideration about your treatment here. You are too young to understand what is happening here, but I’d like to give you something. You keep this close, you here punk?”

No malice, no hidden meaning. Just, kindness. Perhaps even love. Phenomenon started to learn that titles hold meaning. And this one was the most special. Because it was given by his caretaker. Phenomenon cherished this moment. It was because it changed him as well. Perhaps someone gave Winter Soldier a personal title during his mission and changed him. Just like now.

“Your name is Peter Parker.”

\--

_Bucky – 2004_

Peter started to realize how important names were. It was a sign of trust to one another. Something Peter never knew was possible. So, the day Winter Soldier gave Peter his name was the best day of his life. Because his caretaker _trusted_ him. His ward. His kid.

“Peter, call me Bucky. But only when we’re alone. You got that?”

“’es!”

Of course, a young age, with a brilliant mind was hard. His mind was faster than his growing rate. He understood a lot of things, but his body couldn’t keep up. Peter had a lot of things to say, but his vocals weren’t developed as much as he’d like. Winter Sol- _Bucky_ knew this. A gentle smile on his face whenever Peter spoke in broken speech, all while understanding.

Of course, his speech lacked in pronunciation. So, his attempts at saying ‘Bucky’ usually resulted to ‘Buck’. Whenever the said that, Peter could see the fondness in Bucky’s eyes grow each time. He’ll treasure the name till he dies. Because it was a form a trust.

Through the years after Peter was given his name, things changed fast. Alone, Bucky would teach Peter things that completely contradicted to the teachings the men in black gave him. Of course, Peter would always take Bucky’s words over the men in black. The fondness, care, _love_ in his voice always stuck with Peter.

“You’re going to be something greater than this hell hole, kid. And I’m going to make sure of it. You got that punk?”

“’es! Buck!”

And then came the lessons Bucky would give him. How he should only kill if it was necessary. If it means you _live_. A lesson that was drilled into him each time he came with Bucky on missions. He didn’t understand completely why Bucky would say those things, when he himself has killed many. But Peter trusted him. He trusted Bucky with his life.

There were the days when Bucky would break down, in their secured rooms. Clutching Peter like a life line, all while mumbling ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’m going to get us out. I promise.’ Those were the days Peter saw a different Bucky. Because this Bucky would tell Peter stories. Stories of his past self, before he thrown in this hell hole.

Every story drove Peter to understanding more about Bucky’s private lessons. It’s because Bucky wants Peter to be greater than him. That there is a life better than the one he was thrown into. And then Bucky talked about love. How he loved his friends, his mom, his dad, his _family._ And Peter couldn’t help but ask at one point.

“Wha’s a fam’ly?”

“You and me kid. We’re a family.”

“’eall’?”

“You fucking bet.”

And Peter realized that Bucky was more than just his caretaker. He was family.

\--

_Dad, Sun & Moon – 2008_

One of the most important lessons Peter has ever learned was about family titles. They only had brief lessons on family. But all were not in depth as this one. It was all because of Peter’s psyche. He was too young to understand family, too stubborn in accepting facts other than what Bucky has taught him beforehand.

But now, it was different. He was older, he could understand more. It was after a mission did Peter learn to be open minded. Buck had drilled it into him through out the entire mission. He men in the black were all closed minded. They had one mind set, but to have more than one makes you more powerful. Bucky said it would make you a greater person.

So, when a man in black simply asked in a snide cruel voice, mocking as if knowing they won’t get repercussions, it brought up family.

“So, Winter Soldier, how’s that brat of your son doing?”

Son. It was a weird word. It matched with the word Sun. What was the different between those two? The questions only increased as Bucky answered the soldier like his usual fake robotic attitude. Those were the moments Peter wished they didn’t have to pretend.

Where they didn’t have to pretend to be soldiers with no emotions. But could be themselves, playing with make shift toys and trying to be something that they’ll never be. Well, not never, but not any time soon. Where they could be this son and dad.

It was then that Peter learned that those were titles in a family. Bucky explaining carefully, and with heartbreak a bit. Peter could only hypothesize that it’s because Bucky was one of those sons.

“A son is the kid of a family that’s a male.”

“But what’s the difference, Buck? Son and Sun?”

“There is no difference. A son is the sun in a dad’s world. Well to me that is”

“I don’t understand. Does that mean you’re the sun also?”

“No, I’m the moon.”

“Buck! This is conf’sing! Make it more understandabole!”

“Understand _able_.”

“Understandable.”

“Humph. You see, Pete, I’m the moon because my life revolves around you. The sun.”

“Oh, I think I understand! So, a dad is the moon, and a son is the _sun_.”

“Sure kid.”

“What does a dad say to their son then?”

“I love you to the sun and back.”

“Well then, I love you to the moon and back!”

Peter knew Bucky wouldn’t admit it, but Bucky was the sun and Peter was the moon. It was because Peter’s entire life revolved around Bucky. The whole dad is the moon and the son is the sun was ridiculous. But Peter knew one thing.

Bucky was his dad.

His sun.

\--

_Avengers – 2012_

Peter would never admit it to anyone in the facility, but his sun died out. He was just an empty rock, rotating around nothing. They took his sun away, and he’ll never see those kind loving brown eyes again. Or so he thought until he learned the title ‘Avengers’. The higherups talking about this ‘Captain America’.

The anger in their voices were like stars going supernova in his universe. It was good to here that these Avengers were ruining Hydra’s plans. It was paradise, even through the testing and rigorous experimenting. But it was all worth it when you hear them failing at achieving their goals.

It only got better when they mentioned Bucky. This Captain America can revive his sun. Perhaps Peter may never see his sun again, but that’s okay. It just means Bucky will have a new sun, and Peter can just watch from a far like a star. Happy to see his sun find a new light source. His dad finding better purpose than sticking with a dead rock like him. A dying sun. Whichever really.

The talk about how Captain America can compromise the ‘Asset’ was all the better. This torture was going to be all worth it in the end. Peter just knew it.

The Avengers were good.

Dad was going to be okay.

\--

_S.H.I.E.L.D – 2014_

Peter could feel it in his bones. Thing were going to change. Hydra being able to compromise this organization, S.H.I.E.L.D, was going to be bad. His senses would just feel it. The hairs on his neck and arms flaring up, as if electricity was near. His super hearing being able to ease drop on the higher ups was great.

Of course, it was difficult to hide that knowledge from the higher ups. Always lying during testing, say ‘I am unable to hear’ after five rooms from his testing. All while he had to control his heart and emotions, to ensure the lie detector would not pick up his lie.

Peter was grateful for Bucky teaching him that. To reign in his emotions, to be a toy soldier like him. It was only a matter a time. Peter could relate to S.H.I.E.L.D actually. He may seem like a controlled asset, but he’s been hiding his humanity from Hydra.

Then when the time comes, Peter will attack Just like Hydra will attack S.H.I.E.L.D. Neither side will see it coming, and Peter will take the advantage of it all. He just had to wait. For now, he’ll be their test dummy. Their lab rat. Because one day, it’ll bite them in the ass.

He just like S.H.I.E.L.D.

\--

_Rouge – 2016_

Music to his ears, as he eased dropped on the higher ups. Peter couldn’t help but smile at this.

“The Asset has gone rogue. He’s teamed up with the Avengers. Is his successor ready for the next phase?”

“Negative, sir. He is half way through development.”

“DAMN IT! Continue on schedule. We’ll need to hurry up our plans meanwhile.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


	3. Sensory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's time in Hydra isn't fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I didn't expect this to be updated sooner, but I guess when you have motivation that happens to you.  
> So, yea. Also, the number of chapters is tentative as for now.  
> I may shorten the amount or lessen, not so sure yet. 
> 
> But thank you guys so much for enjoying this story. ;u; It means a lot! I hope you enjoy your heart being ripped out!- I mean, I'm sorry for causing you heart ache in this chapter!
> 
> For now, maybe three more chapters, we'll get flashbacks of Bucky and Peter interaction. But then after, we get full on 'present day' interaction.
> 
> Sorry if this is bad again. :/ I seemingly can't write in one POV. It's like a combination of third and first POV. And sorry also if my writing went all over the place.

When the higher ups said ‘continue on schedule’ they meant, hurry up the process. Things went down hill fast after that. Peter’s routine became violent, more forceful from the oddly domestic style from before. Now, however, was different. No training the brain or teaching Peter new things to remember. No, it was all testing now. It wasn’t supposed to begin until they were three fourths done with the phase they were currently in.

However, now it was just all testing. Needles pinpricking him, injecting serums of unknown into his system. Then simply shoving him in a white room, with nothing but the damn mirror glass. And then they’d watch, record data and re-evaluate the serum to enhance it. It was rinse and repeat process. Peter lost sleep because of this. The searing pain in his body was unbelievably excruciating.

The feeling of something crawling in your skin, ripping up bone and muscle sounded more pleasing than what Peter was experiencing. Fevers constantly as his muscles pulled apart. Constant fatigue settled on the poor kid, as he is pushed to his limit. Moments of sleep, Peter could feel it. See it. How his genetics are being altered from the serum as he slept. However, most of his dreams were nightmares, with a rare chance of a happy dream in between.

The beatings got worse as well, the more he was injected with the serum. Peter knew for a fact that if he wasn’t just a _phenomenon_ he’d be good as dead now. The constant serums being injecting in him on a daily basis would have killed him. If anything else, It’d be the abuse he’s sustained each day. From bruises to shattered bones.

Of course, no one wanted to lose such an amazing opportunity such as Peter. So, even if Peter wanted to die, he wouldn’t be able to. Hydra would just hook him up to a machine and heal him. It got worse, as the serum started to work its magic finally. Those large bruises that took weeks to heal now took minutes.

The beatings got worse after that. The scientists cheering in glee as they accomplished a break through. Cross genetics was apparently the best route to go now. No more copying Captain America’s serum or Bruce Banner’s. No, it was their new breed of a serum for a super soldier. If anything, this was something to look into more.

Who better to test it on than the Phenomenon?

\--

The situation got worse also. More genetic crossing, to the point Peter’s own genes were not noticeable. He was practically half arachnid now. There were subtle changes to begin with. Peter being able to climb walls, muscles becoming stronger, spider sense, and then heightened sensory. The worst of all the changes in Peter’s genomes.

Everything was too loud. Too bright. It made Peter want to curl in on himself and cry. Cry for help. Cry for Dad. But no one came. It was those days when Peter started to realize how alone he was. Those were the days when the soldier’s insults were easily absorbed into Peter’s mind. Each punch standing for a word they’d use on him. Each word piercing his already fragile heart, and frailer mind.

Freak. Abomination. Pet. Toy. Mindless. Slave. Words of all kinds sinking into his head. Making him believe such things. Peter held out as long as he could, knowing those words were never true. Bucky told him that. Never believe what the soldiers say. They were just filled with rumors, jealousy, and more. But that was hard at times.

His senses dialed to 11 didn’t help. Especially now. Each swift kick that came in contact was stronger than before. His mind ringing constantly, as his excoriating headache increased. A blow to the rib felt like a hammer coming down on him. A broken rib felt like a shattered hip. Another kick. Another slur of abusive words. Peter was thankful for being such a phenomenon at times.

Soldiers of Hydra were never merciful. They’d go all the way with him, if it weren’t for how much effort and money the organization has put into him. Physically, the soldiers had a limit. Mentally, never. And Peter started to believe those words. How he’s just a toy. How he’s meant to be an asset to Hydra and that’s it. Because he had no other purpose than that.

Then there were other times when he was down right depressed. And those were the days the soldiers didn’t stop their mental assault. The could see it in Peter’s hazel eyes. How broken, open and vulnerable he was. Those days, the soldiers enjoyed themselves the most. They always knew where to hit Peter the hardest.

“You know you’re just a tool. No one really cares about you. You’re just an _investment_ , Phenomenon.” A kick followed a soldier’s words as the appendage slammed right into a rib. The feeling of his cracking was inevitable. All Peter could do was grunt and hold his breathe.

“It’s the reason why daddy Winter Soldier hasn’t come back to you yet. Because his job was done, he didn’t need to be weighed down but you.” A stomp on his wrist made Peter cry out. It wasn’t from the pain, no. It was from the words. Because Peter remembered the day he was taken. Bucky’s eyes practically saying ‘I’ll get you back. Just stay strong.’ And he’s trying, he really is.

But he’s been staying strong for _years_ now. And Bucky was gone for good. He escaped. He became a Rogue. “He’s not coming back for you. He probably remembered his past life, completely forgetting about you.” The soldier practically read Peter’s mind. And it hurt. A lot.

Because Bucky _promised_ him he’d be back. But he left without Peter. Why? Peter couldn’t understand. Those manipulative words from the soldier just fueled the pain in Peter’s heart. Did Bucky truly leave him? No, he’s with the Avengers. He’ll save him. Right?

“You may be a special brat, but all can see what you are. Just another useless creation. A freak! Hulk is a better freak than you’ll ever be. He can _actually_ do shit! You? Nothing! You can’t even fucking kill anyone! Shows how much faith the Winter Soldier had on you. You’re a failed project.” A blow to his chest again. A spit on his broken body.

And they left.

Leaving Peter to get medical aid. Or the bare minimum of it.

\--

It’s funny, how you slip into the darkness, and you’re just alone. Your mind conjuring up people you wish were there with you. It was nothing new to Peter. He’d imagine being with Bucky. Them out of this hell hole and together just doing _normal_ things. Like, playing in a park doing a game of what Bucky called baseball. Or going to the movies and watching something that wasn’t trying to manipulate their minds. Or just them together in a comfortable silence. Enjoying their life.

But that’s just a dream.  A dream that’ll never happen. So, Peter just has to cling on to the memories. The good memories. The memories before Bucky abandoned him. Memories when Buck actually cared for him. Memories where Peter could call Bucky dad. Memories when Bucky was his sun.

\--

 _It was his first mission ever, with Bucky taking the lead. The higher ups thought that Peter would learn faster if he was in the field along with the Winter Soldier. It was_ suppose _d to be a reconnaissance. Simply get in and get out. Secure the data, nothing too exciting for seven-year-old Peter Parker._

_But plans usually never go as planned. A shoot out started, scaring Peter to death. He may have been in rooms with guns before, and shooting, but he never experienced a full-on gun fight. And damn did it hurt. It didn’t help either that it was dead of night where they were at._

_Peter could remember it all too clearly. Bucky has cursed and grabbed Peter. It was on instinct that the boy held onto Bucky’s neck as the man sprinted away from the guards. Peter stayed quite, at least tried to. That was until a bullet grazed his arm. Then he started wailing out in pain._

_His body was not used to pain yet. Just a simple cut was pain to the poor toddler. And Bucky cursed more, taking covering behind a van. They had sprinted out of the room and entered a parking garage. As Peter cried, Bucky started to rip his sleeve and wrapped it around the wound Peter sustained. It may not have been dire, but Bucky wasn’t going to risk it._

_Peter remembered Bucky’s kind words, as he shot at the enemies aiming at them._

_“It’s going to be alright Pete. I’m going to protect you. Always. Just hang on.” And Peter did. He held on, and when the gun fight was over he was tired. The loud sounds of guns, the flashing lights from the aftermath was all too much for his brain. And when they got on the plane, Bucky coddled the kid._

_He held Peter close to his chest, and Peter listened to Bucky’s calm rhythmic heartbeat. Just the memory of Bucky keeping his word. When they got back, Bucky tended to his wounds himself. Then proceeded to mother hen him._

_Those were the days Peter missed. How Buck made sure Peter ate his fill. Saying, “You got to eat to get better kid.” Peter could feel a distant grumble in the back of his head as he dreamed about that. Food was becoming scarce to Peter. He barley got food anymore, with all the testing that was happening. Usually IVs were his main source of food now a days._

_Then Peter could remember when Bucky would give his share of food to Peter. Telling Peter how you need to eat to grow. How he didn’t need much food like he did. Peter could remember at times, where Bucky was seen in the hospital wing with IVs in his arm._

_Peter could still remember the warmth of Bucky hugging him close as they slept. Protecting Peter from the cruel guards. Because when Bucky was around, still taking care of Peter, no one messed with his ward. Peter missed that. A lot. But most of all, he missed him._

_He missed Bucky._

\--

Sadly. All memories must stop somewhere. And then you wake back up to the hell around you. Peter’s vision blurred, but his hearing on spot. He could feel the IVs in his skin. And his breath hitched as he heard four words.

“Asset has been secured.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


	4. Delay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is insufferable. Bucky thinks back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!
> 
> I was planning on swarming you all with chapters, but I don't feel like all the chapters are properly edited and readable for you guys. Sorry again for making you guys wait so long. I'm trying to get these chapters down, but I prefer if each chapter has effort than half ass. So it may be possible this story will move to 2019.
> 
> Sorry to disappoint you all with my slow writing. Writer's block and finding the right words to type is hard. I hope this chapter is up to par for you all.
> 
> As always, thanks for the comments and kudos! This isn't beta'd. Please ignore all grammar or spelling errors!

Bucky loves Steve.

I mean, who wouldn’t? Steve has been his best friend since forever.

But sometimes, Steve can be _insufferable_.

Like right now.

“You sure you’re okay with this? I’m not forcing you, we can wait until everyone is done eating before we can eat if you want.” Came Steve’s worried voice as he crowded Bucky’s personal space. Like a mother hen, hovering close enough, but far enough to retreat if need be. Bucky heaved a loud sigh at Steve’s statement.

“Yes, I’m okay. Besides, if I’m staying here, I’m going to have to get use to them. Better start now than later.” Bucky was too tired for this. It had only been ten minutes since he’s woken up, and five minutes since Steve came knocking at his door. Bucky had a strong suspicion that Stark’s AI, FRIDAY, was the reason for that.

Bucky’s stomach growled again, and his sour mood only increased. Stupid AI telling Steve he was awake. Stupid Steve for bothering him. All he wants right now is food, and to get his kid back. That’s all he wants, but no. Life just had to be a jackass like that. Steve nodded and the two headed out of the room to the kitchen.

Steve began rambling, about something around the modern day. Honestly, Bucky didn’t give a shit really. His mind was on pressing matters, like Peter. The little punk that somehow was able to crawl through his walls and into his heart. Even during his Winter Soldier times. Bucky took note that his metal hand clenched into a fist.

Here he was, in a safe haven, being fretted over by his long-lost friend. In a place where no HYDRA soldiers would dare to be. And yet, Peter isn’t here. He isn’t here to enjoy the wonders of a semi-regular life. Bucky promised himself that he’ll change that soon. He just needs to get passed the awkward breakfast with everyone.

Bucky’s thoughts wandered again, right onto the mother hen he’d like to call Steve Rogers. He couldn’t help but snort. Back then he was the mother hen. Always fretting over Steve, fighting his battles, and now. Look at Steve now. My how the tables have turned. It was almost funny, how Peter was so much like younger Steve. How Bucky felt the urge to protect him.

His train of thoughts stopped, as they entered the kitchen. Sweet Baby Ruth, it looks so damn domestic. The group were all around the table chatting away and doing their own things. Tony was tinkering with a repulson glove as a cup of coffee sat on the table. Natasha was reading a book, Clint and Sam were arguing about who’s more skilled in something, and the others were just munching. All amused with the argument taking place.

Steve scurried into the kitchen, grabbing plates with eggs, bacon, and toast. Bucky followed Steve awkwardly to the table and sat beside his best friend. The moment everyone spotted him, the air became stiff. Awkward. Bucky couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if Peter was here.

Would they shun him, like they are doing to him right now? Would they welcome his son with open arms and huge smiles? Talk to him? Glare at him? Bucky knew that Peter was special, that his very own smile could light up the room. Bucky didn’t need to worry about Peter, but he did. God, he’s becoming such a Dad.

Bucky ate his food in silence, as Clint and Sam continued their argument. Their voices lowered now, almost scared to speak higher. As if Bucky would lunge at them and try to kill them. He wasn’t as bad as everyone thinks he is! For fuck sakes, they mind controlled him! He had no say at all! If they knew about Peter, they’d all change their minds.

Perhaps not Stark though-who was currently glaring daggers at Bucky. If looks could kill, Bucky would be dead long ago. No evidence to show he was even there. Stark held grudges, that’s for sure. No exception, not even the ‘I was forced to do it’ excuse. No matter how much Stark wanted to kill Bucky for killing his mother, he knew deep down it was all Hydra’s fault. Therefore, he compromised.

He’d let Bucky live. He’d help eliminate Hydra, now that they made it personal. _However_ , Stark would not be all happy and sunshine, buddy-buddy with his mom-killer. No matter how many times Steve begs for Tony to give Bucky a chance. No matter how many times Bucky, himself, attempts to show Tony he means no harm, that he simply wants to be on even grounds.

So, after about ten minutes of burning hatred glare, Stark got out of his chair and stalked out of the room, most likely heading to his lab. And, as such a domino affect began. Soon Clint and Sam left. Natasha following, and the rest until it was just Steve and Bucky eating breakfast. Bucky saw this coming, but it still hurt because his thoughts always go back to Peter. That everyone’s actions directed at him would manifest to Peter, and he didn’t want that.

Steve sensing Bucky’s uncomfort smiled reassuringly. A thought popped in Steve’s mind and he gets up from his seat. “Hey, Buck, you done eat? I want to show you something, you might like it.”

This caught Bucky’s attention. “What’s that?”

“They’re called Legos. They’re small pieces of plastic that click together and you can create cool things with them. Remember when we were young and we always made paper Mache houses and people? Well, it’s kinda like that!” Steve said cheerfully, in hopes to get his friend’s mood up. Maybe mentioning the past wasn’t the best thing on his part, but that was the only way he could explain Legos to Bucky.

“Huh. Show me, but first let’s clean up.” With that said, the two super soldiers got up and cleaned up the dishes, along with the other member’s dishes. Afterwards, Steve lead Bucky to one of the many common rooms. Inside the room, there were boxes of Legos by the dozen. Bucky was impressed.

“So, what do you do? Just build houses and buildings?” Bucky asked as he opened one of the boxes of Legos. He peered in and saw many multicolor plastic pieces. All kinds of sizes roamed the surface of Legos.

“Not exactly. You can create figures, like giant robots or people if you want.” That caught Bucky’s attention. And he’s suddenly not in the compound anymore.

\--

_It was a mission. He and Peter had to pretend to be father and son. It was a time before Bucky really considered Peter as his son. They had to go after their target, a family man. He had a young daughter the same age as Peter. After the failure of Peter’s first mission, they decided to go with undercover for now._

_The mission was t0 get data from their target’s laptop. After long observations, HYDRA had figured out his routine. Their target would take his daughter to the park and work on his work there on the bend in front of the playground. He would then stay there for the next hour all while his daughter was playing._

_It was a simple thing. Pretend to be a parent, sit next to the target and pretend to do the same thing. Peter was tasked with being a kid. Bucky appreciated that secretly. Peter get’s to see a glimpse of what his life will be one day._

_Peter of course, was shy. He was never given the correct interaction for this. However, Bucky didn’t mind at all. Giving a kind smile at his shy ward, Bucky spoke gently. “Go on, play with that little girl with pig tails. Go make some friends for me.”_

_Peter still didn’t move from behind Bucky’s leg. He couldn’t help but let his guard down a little bit. Was this house parenthood would have felt? Feeling pride and amusement at their child? He couldn’t tell, Peter was his ward. Bucky couldn’t let his thoughts of what could have been distract him._

_After a good ten minutes of coaxing, Peter left his side and was playing with his target’s daughter. Phase one complete. Carefully maneuvering himself to sit beside his target, he watched. As predicted his target engaged in conversation._

_“That your kid? The brown hair kid, who looks like the human version of bambi?” He said in a gentle smile. Adoration in his eyes. This man sure was a parent alright._

_“Yea. I’m guessing he’s playing with your daughter?” Bucky forced a practice smile. The target nodded his head eagerly. Proud parent indeed._

_“Sure is. Lucy loves making friends. I’m Hank Reinald by the way.” The target extended his hand out to shake._

_“Rory Winston. Pleasure.” He took the hand and shook. The soft sound of whirling caught Bucky’s ear. His metal arm was accessing the laptop. He needed more time, the downloading just began._

_“Nah, pleasure is mine! Say, you’re new around here? I haven’t seen you around these parts. I practically know everyone!” Hank grinned in a friendly way._

_Bucky smiled again. “Sure am. William, my son, and I are moving in soon. I just wanted my son to get use to the scenery. Not get too scared once we move him, ya know?” Hank nodded in understanding. A fool, Bucky thought. He was too easy being manipulated. Weakness for him were kids._

_The silent ding echoed in Bucky’s ear. Complete transfer. Bucky steadily got up. “Well, I best be going now. William is gonna need a nap soon.” Hank nodded again. God this idiot._

_“Understandable. I better be going also. LUCY! C’mon!” Hank hollered over to the kids playing. His daughter came running over. One of her dolls were in her hand, while the other Peter was holding. Peter looked… so happy. So carefree. So happy with that doll. Bucky couldn’t help but feel his gut curl. Peter should be living like this. With toys and dolls and truck. Not a weapon._

_-_

_It was later when Bucky and Peter completed their mission and were dismissed to their room. Peter looked lost. His hands were fisted and he was staring off into space. Bucky could tell why. Peter wanted to keep that doll. It was the first thing someone gifted him. Lucy was asking her dad earlier if peter could keep it. The kid looked so hopeful, and Bucky felt so horrible for saying no. Peter wasn’t talking to him, he could understand why._

_Looking around the room, Bucky thought. How could he make it up to the kid? His eyes landed on the blankets and then back at Peter. He had an idea. He leaned back from his sitting position on the floor, grabbed the blanket, and looked at Peter. He put on his real smile._

_“Hey… you want to make your own doll?” Peter stayed still, but Bucky could tell he caught the kid’s attention._

_“When I was a kid, my family and I didn’t have enough money. So, my younger sister never got to have those cool new dolls. But with some creativity and a blanket, I made a doll. Would you like to learn?” Peter slowly but surely lifted his head up looked at Bucky. He nodded and scooted beside Bucky._

_And there they went. Bucky told stories about Steve, his family, everyone as he slowly wove the blanket and made a doll. Peter followed through, and soon enough they made dolls. Bucky made Captain America doll-although it was a crude doll, he was proud- and peter made Bucky. Of course, the dolls looked nothing like what they wanted, so they were always able to change their names. From Bucky to Black Widow._

_Peter was proud and happy. Bucky only wished Peter was able to build whatever he wanted, with whatever kind of material. One day, Peter could make as many dolls or whatever he wants. And Bucky would be proud. One day._

\--

Buck couldn’t help but smile at the memory as he stared at the open box of Legos. Mentally, he added Legos to the list of ‘What to introduce Peter to when he gets him back’. Going ahead and opening the other boxes of Legos, Bucky plopped down on the ground and dug in while answering Steve’s question.

“Yea, I think I’ll like Legos.”


	5. UPDATE

Ha ha, it's been a very long time since I've updated this story! I'm sorry about that everyone! I'm sure you've all thought I've abandoned this story, or I'm a huge lazy person when it comes to writing! I'm sorry about that all! I'm planning on completing Equinox  _before_ 2019 starts, so I can work on other stories! So do expect updates in the recent days of this month! I've just been so busy with school, and all that fun stuff.

Again, I'm sorry for making you all wait! And getting your hopes up, thinking this was actually a chapter update and not an author update. But please do be ready for a wild ride with Equinox! Thank you for sticking so long with this story, even if... it's literally 3 chapters.

-Rae

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [tumblr](https://hiraethfics.tumblr.com/) if you want updates, prompts, or just... ask for prompts or whatever. I don't know.  
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


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